Practicing the Art of Surrender
Choosing to surrender can be a life changing practice. Imagine the joy and freedom that can come with learning to recognize and to listen to the quiet voice within that provides guidance to each of us. Guidance such as when to push and take action and when to relax and to allow things to unfold.
There are a number of common questions and concerns that come up in my work with clients who are looking increase their trust in their own intuitive guidance and to surrender ego goals to the higher self or soul. These are questions that I too have wrestled with in order to come to a place of greater trust and surrender in all areas of my life.
The truth is that we come from a culture that values drive and doing. There is a place for drive and to GSD (get sh*t done). This drive is a necessary part of a successful life. But as a collective we have forgotten the fine art and balance of surrender and drive and their rightful order. Too often we can place the cart before the horse and try to force things to happen that are outside of our control. The practice of surrender is one of the doing while being guided by the right inspiration, and right time and place. Without this distinction we miss the subtle difference between drive for the sake of drive and truly inspired drive. Drive for its sake alone can feel heavy, like we are forcing something to happen without getting any real traction or uptake for our efforts. We can spend a ton of effort and energy with little to no reward. It is like we are hitting a wall and nothing we do seems to make an impact.
Truly inspired drive on the other hand comes on a timeline all its own. It often has a lightness and sense of ease. It connects us to what psychologists refer to as the state of ‘flow’. Where you lose sense of time and space and enjoy the doing for its own sake. Drive that comes from a place of surrender is where magic and miracles are possible. It is the time when things come together, connections are made and our projects take on a bigger ripple impact than we ever could have forced or planned alone. Mastering the art of surrender allows for us to direct our drive and action in the most meaningful and impactful ways imaginable.
Choosing to practice surrender is a subtle yet radical shift in how most of us were taught to approach life and success. Anytime we change the status quo we can expect to bump up against discomfort and fears.
Below are the most common myths, fears and limitations to the practice of surrender along with truths and tips about surrender to assist you in your own practice.
Common Myths & Fear around Surrender:
The fear/myth that choosing to surrender means not taking any steps, action or having any plans for the future or life goals.
The fear that we will somehow become purposeless and drift aimlessly through life if we choose to surrender.
The fear or myth that equates surrender with lack of action, ambition or denial of our true feelings, preferences, goals and vision.
The fear or myth that surrender means we should not care or be attached to a certain outcome.
The myth that surrender is an all or none process; that we need to fully detach and surrender and trust before taking action.
Common Limitations to Surrender
Our rational mind/ego wants the whole plan and picture (including details of every step along the way and how it will all turn out) before it can ‘trust’ the process. Aka: the ego wants to remain in control.
We experience anxiety and fear in the face of the unknown. We all do to a certain extent, it is a natural reaction anytime we grow beyond our comfort zone. Fear is a normal reaction to anytime we step out of our comfort zone and do things in a different way from our old subconscious and unconscious programming
The process of learning to trust in what we cannot see can be scary. It often goes against what we have been taught in our own family history, in education or even in business training.
Learning to surrender can trigger fears in those around us, it goes against what we have been taught. And, practicing surrender in our own lives may trigger unexpected reactions that often feel less than supportive, from those closest to us.
The Truth about Surrender:
You can have both. You can learn to surrender while still taking action. Your actions may even have a bigger impact in your life and the world from this place.
Surrender is actually more about surrendering the will of the ego to the guidance and divine timing of the soul or authentic self. It is about the ego learning to serve the authentic self rather than the ego running the show on its own.
It is still healthy to make plans, have goals and a vision and to learn to surrender.
Surrender itself does not alway release all emotional attachment. Part of learning to surrender to what is also involves making peace with our feelings, allowing ourselves to find safe ways to experience and release our emotions in order to move through them. Denying our emotions and pushing them away only serves to keep this energy stuck within us.
We can feel difficult emotions, such as frustration, anger, grief and loss and still maintain our commitment to come to a place of trust. We can understand that it is all happening for a reason (even when we can’t see it yet).
Surrender is a process, not a destination. We can learn to surrender and to develop trust in the process over time.
We can learn to surrender and build trust in the process for ourselves even if it scares others or they don’t understand. When we trust in ourselves and know what is right for us, the options and fears of others do not carry as much weight anymore.
Tips to develop Trust in Surrender
Take smaller, more manageable steps to learn to practice surrender in your own life.
Practice surrender with smaller actions and decisions that do not have as much emotional weight or fears behind them in the beginning.
Allow the ego and rational mind to collect evidence over time and to learn to trust in the process.
Gather evidence of the times when you pushed against what felt right and the costs/benefits that came from this compared to times where things just seemed to flow. Notice the difference between these types of experiences.
Take time to slow down, to quiet that rational, logical mind and to connect with yourself. Nurture your soul.
Learn and practice tools to manage the normal and natural anxieties and fears that the practice of surrender is likely to bring up. Commit to practice these tools regularly as you take steps into the unknown.
Take steps to learn your own intuitive language and develop trust in your own intuitive abilities and guidance.
Continue to do your own work, heal your own past. Past trauma and triggers limit our ability to see the present situation clearly in the moment.
Expand your support network to include others who understand and support the process of surrender. It could be a group of friends, a yoga community, a spiritual support community, healthier, coach, mentor or therapist. Connect with others who have navigated the path of surrender as they can hep provide guidance and support when you are in doubt.
Remember that the art of surrender is a journey and not a destination. Be patient and loving with yourself.
